I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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