Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
