im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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