I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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