Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
this must be what syphilis tastes like
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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