Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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