im having a threesome with these popsicles
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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