Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize