So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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