HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
