dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
