I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
