she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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