we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
