On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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