idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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