Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
