I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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