im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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