Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
