he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
