This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
