Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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