okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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