Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
