Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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