Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
