It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
