i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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