Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i think i have two assholes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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