Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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