It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize