did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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