And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
