Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
