I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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