What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
