which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
