this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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