the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
