I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize