i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
