the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
