Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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