Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize