dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
