if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
