And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
