I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
