I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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