put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
