My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I will be naked everywhere
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
