u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
