he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
