I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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