dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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