the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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