This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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