If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
