i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
