i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
