Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize