I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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