the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
