I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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