if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
