Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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