Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize