i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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