Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
