The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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