Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
