I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
