Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
