Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
