Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
