She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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