my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
