This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
