Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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