why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
