The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
