Don't make out with my wife yet
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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