I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
