So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
