Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
