First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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