dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
