Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
