I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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