you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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