dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
