I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
