I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
