i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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